All that glitters is a big steaming pile of shit!

I for one am happy that a lot of strip clubs don't allow their girls to wear glitter lotion anymore! Not because I'm afraid that it will get on me and I'll get in trouble when I get home... I have never once snuck out to a strip club hoping that my wife wouldn't find out. Anyone who does that has more problems than glitter lotion, but that's a rant for a different day.

I'm happy about it because I feel that ALL glitter should be banned from every media in the entire world. Somehow, glitter is the EASIEST thing in the world to transfer from one thing to another and almost IMPOSSIBLE to get off of you at the same time!!! It does nothing but make you uncomfortable and, I'm gonna catch shit for this one, it makes NOTHING look better.... EVER! And god forbid you brush up against someone wearing a glitter encrusted shirt or skirt. Not only will you have glitter on you for the next two months but that shit turns every piece of fabric it touches into 60 grit sandpaper and the wound you get from it may scar you for life!

So lets recap...

Glitter gets perverts in trouble, it spreads easier than herpes, it makes you itchy, it's fucking UGLY and it could scrape the shine off of metal... yep, time to start a petition.

Truth in Advertising... Please?

Have you ever seen the commercial for the morning after pill? They show a bunch
of women in a committed relationship slightly worried about that condom that
broke the night before calmly walking into a pharmacy and asking for the pill
with a smile on their face while the pharmacist, equally as calm and happy,
walks to the back and grabs the pretty little box with the FUCKING abortion pill
inside... You have GOT to be kidding me! These are not the people buying the
morning after pill.

Let's all put on our reality hats for a moment while I set up the ACTUAL
scenario.

Woman wakes up choking on her own spit and realizes simultaneously that, not
only does she have a splitting headache from the massive amounts of alcohol she
consumed the night before, but she is in a room laying next to a man; both of
which she has no recollection of ever seeing before. She frantically searches
the room an trash for that empty condom wrapper that, deep down, she knows she
will not find. She quietly leaves the room without waking the wildebeest that
was sleeping peacefully next to her just minutes before and runs outside putting
her shoes on and realizing that she has no underwear on. She runs straight to a
pharmacy and nervously asks the 60 year old Christian pharmacist for the pill
which he hands over as tells her that she is going to hell and will die a
horribly painful death for being a fucking whore.

These are the people buying the morning after pill... Please make a note of it.

We aim to please... Why the fuck don't you!?!

So I looked over at my massive followers list and I saw that all of them are women... no matter. Every woman knows about a hundred dudes and I strongly encourage you all to pass this VERY important blog post along to each and every one of them.

I played baseball for most of my life and I was a pitcher so I understand that I may have a bit of an advantage in the area of aim and accuracy. That being said, why the FUCK do most men have no idea how to get a very controllable stream of piss into a very STATIONARY toilet bowl!?!

Now I'm not talking about your bathroom at home. Please feel free to let it go like a fire hose and spray your scent all over the walls and windows of your personal space. If I happen to be at your house and have to use your bathroom... well, thats my fault for not going before I left. But if you are at work or any other public restroom and you have just finished an inspiring dance routine to "Puttin on the Ritz", at least have the FUCKING decency to grab some toilet paper clean up after yourself. There is NO amount of cleaning and hand sanitizer that can do the job right after unknowingly walking into a bathroom and having to lift a toilet seat saturated in another mans urine!

Please ladies, pass this along to every man you know... AWG out!

The "Elder" Post

Whoever came up with the idea of the Bluetooth device needs to be beaten over the head with a rubber mallet!

I know what you are saying... "Rubber mallet? Why are you being so kind AWG?"

In truth, I don't hold the creator of the Bluetooth fully to blame for the culture of self important, moron motherfuckers that has come to be because of this invention.

Nonetheless, with the rise of the Bluetooth revolution, we are all forced to suffer the pain of stupidity. Not only have these people decided that the call from their mom about what happened to the Captn' Crunch they got at the store last week is fucking important enough to take in the middle of dinner with the family at Applebees... But they have also decided that it is important enough for everyone in earshot to know EVERY detail of the resulting argument about why they have to put their name on all the food they buy! I DON'T CARE! No one AROUND YOU cares and I would venture to say that your mom also does not fucking care!

Talk all you want in your car... But unless you want that shit ripped off your fucking head and stomped to pieces like I was Michael Fucking Flatley on meth... Get up and take your calls outside like the rest of us.

Black Republicans

There are many things in this world that just completely baffle me! Things that no matter how much people agree or love it, I just don't fucking get... here is a VERY short list of some of those things:

1. Black Republicans (I know Abe Lincoln was a Republican but come on)

2. Asian Race Car Drivers (no explanation needed I'm sure)

3. Tea Party Members (Natural Selection has failed us)

4. Female Bodybuilders (they're dudes, right? please tell me they're dudes)

5. Clear Non-prescription lenses (seriously?)

6. Gasoline Scented Scratch'n'Sniff stickers (they actually use to make those, look it up)

7. Techno Music (is it just me or does it sound like a headache)

8. Snuggies (FUCK YOU SNUGGIE)

9. Snuggie For Dogs (FUCK YOU PEOPLE WHO BUY SNUGGIES)

10. Motorcycle Air Bags (it costs extra but you wont have to wear a helmet! dumbass)

11. Ke$ha (Don't get me started)

12. "Reality" Television (the SyFy channel has more "reality")

13. Local News (what makes these people think we actually give a SHIT about what they are talking about)

14. The Kardashians (why are they famous?)

15. Crime Reenactments on News Shows (not knowing what actually happened wont stop them from hiring bad actors to pretend they do)

16. Arizona (RACIST FUCKS!)

17. DUI Classes (not enough room to write all that is wrong with these)

There are many more but I have grown bored of this... AWG OUT!

Hannity, O'Reilly, Coulter... oh my!

Have you ever been in a car crash as a passenger but the driver doesn't know that you are about to crash? Maybe the driver is telling you a story or a joke that he is so in to it that he doesn't hear (or ignores) all your attempts to let him know that you are about to smash into another car. Then you have that moment of wondering what is going to happen to you when you crash, like will I break my arm, leg or worse. Then right before you crash, you kind of extend your arm to brace yourself (as if that will help) and close your eyes or turn your head while you're waiting for the impact......

That's what it feels like to watch Fox News

The Gods Must Be Crazy

I remember, not too long ago, a bunch of republicans told us democrats that we needed to stop whining and get use to the idea that G.W. was our President and no matter what kind of fraud/misconduct went on during the election, it was in the past and there was nothing we could do about it. And you know what? I agreed with them!

That's right, I said it. I FUCKING AGREED WITH THE FUCKING REPUBLICANS!

I understood VERY quickly that we had been prison raped by the government and there was nothing we could do about it. So here we are. Years later and the Republicans need to take their own advice and stop FUCKING WHINING!!! There is a Black guy in the Oval Office and there isn't a DAMN thing they can do about it. There is no fucking way that Obama is NOT an American Citizen, but even if he was born in Kenya, HE'S THE FUCKING PRESIDENT! That's it... Game over... move along, nothing to see here.

The only way you are going to find out that he was born in Kenya is when he's old and grey, laid out on his death bed and he says... "That's right! I was born in Kenya BITCHES! And you're welcome for fixing this busted ass country..." then he will say something else in some crazy ass language with clicks and whistles in the alphabet before he quietly passes on with a smile on his face.

Me, Myself and Irony

Some things piss me off that most people wouldn't give a shit about!

Here's an example. I recently found out that one of my Facebook friends is a real life "Birther". Now this my friends, is something I DO NOT in any way condone or believe in. I have known this person for MANY years. I am able to look beyond this character defect and just tell myself to NEVER talk politics with him. However, had this EXACT same person said that he thought the Dodgers were a bunch of Douchebags.... I would have torn this mutherfucker a new asshole the size of Newt Gingrichs' granny panties!

This is who I am.

Someone flopped a steamer in the gene pool!

Why are there more and more stupid ass people running around? I just don't fucking get it! there is not a day that goes by that I am not confronted by SOMEONE with the level of stupidity that makes me ask myself, How can someone that stupid still be alive?

I blame modern medicine.

Stupid people use to die off all the time! WHY? Because they were STUPID! They would do stupid shit, die and the IQ of the world would go up a little. Then the smart people got a little TOO fucking smart and decided to make it so the stupid people could be easily saved from their stupidity and now the smart people are out numbered.

Fucking smart people ruin EVERYTHING!

So I have a blog... Don't judge me

There are so many people out there that think that what they have to say is SOOOO fucking important that they have to create a place where people can go read all their self important thoughts and even comment on them to tell them how awesome they are.

Well I KNOW that what I have to say is important so if you don't like it then don't read it!

I am the Angry white guy... shit pisses me off and I tell you. It's that fuckin simple. And more than that, I LOVE telling people what pisses me off. It actually (almost) makes me happy! So if you like to listen to people vent, you enjoy hearing about peoples shortcomings and you want to help an angry white guy get through the day without a coronary... Stay tuned, you might find something new to get angry about!